


It Starts With A Teaspoon Of Trouble

by Codydarkstalker



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:11:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16553834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codydarkstalker/pseuds/Codydarkstalker
Summary: When Deadpool asks Peter to pretend to be his boyfriend in order to impress Tony Stark enough to make him a real Avenger, Peter feels he has to say yes. That means allowing Wade Wilson, lunatic, killer, immortal bad-ass, into his life, and not just as Spider-man.





	It Starts With A Teaspoon Of Trouble

Peter heard Deadpool coming before he saw the larger man appear at the edge of his peripheral vision. It was the end of his patrol and he was sitting on a roof edge and watching the sun come up. He hadn’t meant to stay out so late, but the time had gotten away from him while he dealt with a robbery at a bodega. The criminals had just been a group of kids really, but they had been smart enough to post a lookout, and when he jumped down to stop them they had split up and run in different directions. It had taken ages to wrangle them all and web them up for the cops to find.

 

Deadpool didn’t say anything as he settled down on the edge of the roof and swung his legs over to dangle them over the empty alleyway below. He kept his face forward and held out a paper cup, the smell of coffee and cinnamon wafting up to tantalize Peter’s nose. “I got you a horchata latte. I didn’t know that was a thing but I guess it is? It’s good.”

 

Peter glanced down at the cup and took it carefully, feeling the warmth of the drink even through his gloves. “It smells good.” He tugged up the bottom of his mask and folded it over the bridge of his nose so he could take a long sip. It was good, sweet and warm and oddly comforting after such a long night.

 

Deadpool watched his drink, taking only a small sip form his own cup, before awkwardly clearing his throat. “So, uh, how much do you hate me?” he asked, voice wavering.

 

Peter took another sip as he considered his answer. “Not enough to say no immediately. What do you need?” He didn’t hate Deadpool. For one thing, that would have involved thinking about the other man a great deal more than he usually did. 

 

Deadpool was a recent fixture in his life. In recent years he had gone from a figure who showed up in New York for a week at most, caused his chaos, and left, to a staple of the vigilante/masked hero community. He was in fact actually trying to be a real hero, he even had a probationary Avengers Identification card, which he kept in a shiny pink Hello Kitty wallet which he would show off to anyone who stood still long enough for him to corner them. 

 

Deadpool kicked his heels against the brick wall, feet tapping out some rhythm that seemed vaguely familiar. “I need a favor,” he said, voice strangely quiet. He toyed with the edge of his mask where it was pulled up so he could drink. It was the most skin Peter had even seen on the other man, he didn’t even take his gloves off usually.

 

“I guessed as much,” Peter commented dryly. He was in a bad mood, he could hear the whine in his voice, it was late and he was tired and it was still a long swing across town before he was in bed, and barely any time before he had to get up for the day. “You still have to tell me what it is you need.”

 

“Well, you’re friendly with Tony Stark, right?” Deadpool asked, still not looking at the other hero. “I mean, you know him pretty well right? He trusts you and trust him?”

 

“I don’t kill people ‘Pool, that includes Stark, I don’t care how much he yelled when you stole his car.” Peter interrupted. “So if that’s what you want-”

 

“No!” Deadpool groaned and set his cup down so he could flop back, laying on the roof’s edge. “I mean, I wish all I needed was help unaliving someone, that’s easy. Like, really easy. This is a bit harder.”

 

“Deadpool, you’re actually starting to worry me, which is saying something. So either tell me what it it s you need right now or I’m going to go home so I can claim plausible deniability later on.” Peter drained the contents of the cup, hissing a bit when the coffee strung his throat.

 

“Can you maybe possibly fake date me so I can be an Avenger?” Deadpool spoke at barely above a whisper. 

 

Peter sat perfectly still for a moment and then whipped around, swinging his legs over the edge and planting one foot on deadpool’s massive chest. “ _ Excuse me? _ ” He let out a panicked little bark of a laugh. “I’m sorry but I have to assume I misheard that.”

 

Deadpool wiggled a bit and pulled his mask back down, clearly uncomfortable. “Okay, well here’s the thing. I need some kind of accountabilibuddy ya know? Like, I need someone around to make sure i can behave like an Avenger, and you’re like the second best Avenger I know!”

 

Peter gave the man a very unimpressed look. “Uh huh.”

 

Deadpool shrugged, his leather sliding roughly over the concrete. “Hey! I love you and you know that but it’s hard to beat Captain America, like, by any metric.”

 

Peter rolled his eyes and nodded, willing to conceded the point. “Okay, and how does this relate to me dating you, can’t you just, I dunno, go on patrol with other Avengers so someone makes sure you’re not getting into trouble?”

 

Deadpool leaned forward enough to cross his arms behind his head. “Yeah, i thought of that, but not dice. I don’t really do ‘time off’ so to speak, and if I’m always on the clock, I need my buddy to be there at all times. Cause ya know, the crazy is full time crazy, not part time crazy.” he tapped a finger against his temple to illustrate.

 

Peter groaned and sat back down, this time on deadpool’s chest. It was warmer and more comfortable than the concrete ledge at least. “And you think if I vouch for you, Tony will make you a full member of the Avengers.” He could see the logic, twisted as it was. Tony did trust him, the man had been his own mentor, and it was hard to think of any hero he trusted more with the exception of Steve Rogers or Rhodey. 

 

“Or,” Deadpool mused aloud. “I could just give up on the whole being a good guy thing and be a regular mercenary again. You know, killing people makes bank.” he laughed darkly.

 

Peter cursed under his breath and then sighed, shoulders slumping. “Okay, well you didn’t leave me a lot of choice here.” he pulled his mask off quick, like a bandaid. “Hi Deadpool, I’m Peter Parker.” he smiled wryly down at the other man.


End file.
